


Violent Shits and Emotional Breakdowns

by redandblueskies



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Crack, Eventual Keith/Lance (Voltron), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gay Keith (Voltron), Humor, Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hunk & Lance (Voltron) are Roommates, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Cream, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26884228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redandblueskies/pseuds/redandblueskies
Summary: Lance has a terrible first day of college. Everything that could go wrong went wrong, which landed him in the bathroom having a crying session in the stall. However, Lance's emotional breakdown gets interrupted by a stranger by the name of Keith having a loud toilet session in the next stall. Lance has had enough.
Relationships: Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 101





	Violent Shits and Emotional Breakdowns

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! Just in case you're not aware, this post was inspired by a tweet https://twitter.com/FabbihaAfrin/status/1116790870538194944?s=20
> 
> I saw that and decided to make it klance. I thought this was funny lol so I hope you enjoy.

When both you and your roommate are heavy sleepers, the worst is bound to happen. 

Lance shuffled around his dorm room, looking for a shirt and some pants to wear. It’s the first day of Lance’s sophomore year of college, and he had slept straight through his alarm. He had his toiletries and skin care products ready to be used in the bathroom, having set them up the previous night. His plan was to wake up 2 hours early so he could take a relaxing bath, care for his skin, and have breakfast all before his first class. 

But the universe had different plans for him today. 

Lance shuffled around the cramped room, digging in this closet for his clothes. As Lance got changed, he looked over to his roommate and best friend Hunk, who was still fast asleep in the bed next to his. Lance glared at his friend, grabbing his own pillow and throwing it at Hunk’s face, cutting off his loud snoring. 

“Hunk! Did you not hear my alarm go off? Why didn’t you wake me up?! My class starts in 10 minutes!” Lance huffed, throwing on a navy blue t-shirt, a gray hoodie on top and some regular black jeans. Not his ideal  _ first day of class _ outfit, but he didn’t even have time to contemplate it. 

Hunk let out a confused groan, lifting his head up to see Lance frantically changing. “Oh, my bad. I don’t have any classes until tomorrow, buddy. I only planned to sleep all day. No thinking,” Hunk replied, laying his head back down onto the pillow, closing his eyes but not falling asleep yet. 

Lance groaned in frustration. Of course, how could he forget? Hunk didn’t have to worry about classes today. That meant Lance had to suffer being late alone. Great. 

He gathered his bag, making sure he had anything he might need and threw it over his shoulder. He sighed. 

“This is the worst first day ever, I can already feel it. I’ve gotta run, I’ll see you later, dude.”

Hunk waved back lazily, “Bye dude, good luck today.” 

Luck was definitely not on his side. 

Lance’s first class of the day was a 7 minute walk away from the dorms. So he was running. He ran to where the street was, currently signaling that the cars were passing. He had to wait. 

Right when Lance was waiting, a drop of water fell on the tip of his nose. Then on his hand. Lance looked at the ground and started to see droplets of water. Oh no. 

It was starting to rain. 

Lance cursed under his break, pulling the hood of his sweater over his head as he ran, crossing the street once he saw no cars approaching. 

“Oh man oh man oh man oh man,” Lance cried as he ran. He didn’t even get to style his hair this morning, so the rain was just going to make it look worse. Lance whined as he felt his hoodie growing damp from the rain.  _ Why didn’t I bother checking the weather,  _ Lance thought. 

The building where his first class was located was coming into view. Lance made it to the front door, zipping past some students who were much calmer than he was. Once he was inside, Lance set his bag down and stood off to the side, gasping for air after basically sprinting to get to class. 

“No way… I really need to… improve on my workouts,” Lance said to himself as he catches his breath. Lance frowned down at his hoodie, stained with dark patches of wet spots. He knew if his mama were here, she would force him to take his wet hoodie off so he wouldn’t get sick. So he took off his hoodie, turned it inside out and folded it to fit inside of his bag. At least his shirt was clean. Lance checked the time, and realized his class started 5 minutes ago. 

“Shit. I better get going.” Lance took the stairs to go up to the second floor, and found his classroom at the end of the hall. Lance took a deep breath before finally entering the class, finding a class of about 20 students staring back at him as he opened the loud noisy door. The professor was a typical middle aged white man, fixing him with an annoyed but disinterested look. 

“Good morning, take a seat. I was just going over the syllabus. Allow me to continue without any interruptions,” The professor remarked. Lance could already feel this man would hate him. 

He nodded. “Good morning, and I apologize, sir,” Lance said, attempting to sound polite. The professor looked away from Lance and continued to talk. Lance let out a breath of air, happy that the attention was no longer on him. Lance looked at the many rows of seats, and found an empty seat all the way at the end by the window. Lance took his chance and headed over there, passing between two rows of desks, apologizing as he got in everyone’s way. 

Lance likes being tall. He takes pride in the fact that he’s a tall dude, which he thinks is one of his many attractive features. There are many advantages to being tall. Today? Luck was not on his side, and neither was being tall. 

Lance couldn’t see where he was walking, and he tripped on the leg of one of the desks. 

He stumbled, and managed to catch himself from actually falling. Lance didn’t fall, but when his leg hit the desk, he knew that everyone heard the impact, because they all turned around to look at him. Lance ignored the pain and smiled sheepishly at his new classmates. 

“Sorry…” he whispered, even though the professor had paused from talking to watch the commotion. Lance realized he was still standing in the middle of the rows, and continued walking quickly but carefully towards his desk, finally sitting down as the professor began to talk again. Lance let out a long sigh.  _ That was so embarrassing… _

It was only 9 in the morning, but Lance’s day was already a disaster. He looked like shit, he felt like shit, everything that could go wrong went wrong. If Lance didn’t find anything to cheer him up soon, he was ready to have a full on breakdown. 

Just as he started to think about where the perfect place to cry on campus would be, he glanced outside of the window next to him and the answer to all his problems. 

There was an ice cream truck outside parked on the street, a sign next to it that read  _ “Welcome back, students! Come get your FREE ice cream!”  _ Lance felt a happy smile form on his face. It’s free! He was definitely going to get some ice cream after his class ended! No he did not eat breakfast, but yes he was going to grab the ice cream anyway. He’ll take advantage of the fact that his mama and Hunk were currently not supervising him at the moment. 

Lance didn’t pay attention to his class the whole time he was there. History was never his best subject, so he left that classroom an hour later having retained zero information. Lance didn’t care at the moment, only thinking about his new goal in mind as he walked down the stairs: go get ice cream to turn this terrible morning around. 

Lance hummed a soft tune as he walked, stopping when he noticed a small convenience store on the first floor of the building he was in. The store had all kinds of items, and Lance noticed the breath mints sitting by the window of the store. 

Ah, that’s right. Lance remembered that he didn’t even get to brush his teeth in the morning. 

The thought of that made Lance grimace, so Lance rushed into the convenience store and grabbed some breath mints off of the shelf. He got in line behind two people and waited. When he got to the register, a tired-looking girl rang up his item, displaying the price on a small screen as well as announcing it out loud to him in an uninterested manner. 

Lance reached inside of his bag for his wallet. He felt around, but couldn’t feel it. He checked the other pockets of his bag, not finding it either. He checked each pocket twice, the cashier looking more and more annoyed every time. Lance finally accepted that no, he does not have his wallet on him, and he has no way to pay. Lance started to sweat. 

“Ah… I think I forgot my wallet, I’m so sorry for wasting your time, really,” Lance apologized, starting to walk out of the store without the mints. The girl at the register didn’t even spare him a second glance before she started calling out to the next customer. 

Lance ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Of course. Of course that would happen. Lance felt his eyes grow teary. This day was just trying to kill him with all of the unfortunate events that he was cursed with. 

Then he remembered that there was still an ice cream truck outside with free ice cream. Lance blinked away the teary eyes. His day wasn’t over yet! Maybe the ice cream would be the magic spell that would break this curse of bad luck! It was worth a try. He still had around an hour left before his next class, he could grab an ice cream cone, sit down in a comfortable place at the student rest center, and look at memes on his phone to cheer himself up. Yeah! That sounded like a great plan! 

Lance opened the doors and stepped outside. The rain had stopped, so the sun was back out, bringing sunshine to the busy campus. Lance took a deep breath and smiled. Time to turn his day around! 

He skipped towards where he knew the ice cream truck was. Just around the corner that he was about to turn at! Lance approached the corner happily, turning around. 

However. The only thing he was met with was an empty space where the truck should be. 

There was no ice cream truck. It was just two women, one picking up the “free ice cream” sign and the other was directing the sign woman towards a different location, the two of them walking away with the sign. 

Lance’s mouth was agape. This cannot be happening.  _ This cannot be happening _ . Lance’s terrible day was supposed to turn around with free ice cream. The free ice cream was gone now. And so was Lance’s hope. 

As Lance stood there, he felt the pressure behind his eyes, the waterworks threatening to burst out. His chest was heavy with despair, his throat closing up. Lance didn’t even hesitate when he started fast-walking towards the nearest building, which happened to be the one he had turned the corner at. He bursted in through the front doors, and looked around for the nearest restroom. He found the men’s restroom, and rushed in through the doors. Lance didn’t even bother checking if anyone was in there, he just ran towards a stall and locked the door, plopping himself on the toilet with the lid down and sat there. 

Once his body recognized that he was alone in the comfort of his own privacy, everything broke loose. 

Lance’s sobs echoed through the silent bathroom, filling the air with sniffles and gasps. Lance felt his whole life crumbling down, a terrible first day could only mean a whole school yeah full of bad luck and bad days. Lance wrapped his arms around himself, hugging himself for comfort. He really wished his mom were here with him. Maybe even Hunk. 

As Lance continued to cry, he pulled out his phone and turned on the camera. He looked at himself on the screen. He knew he was usually a pretty crier, but the lack of hair and skin products made him like a full on disaster. Lance took the opportunity to pull up a peace sign, snapping a picture of himself with his tongue out because this whole situation was just so ridiculous. 

He switched his phone from camera mode to video, and started recording his face as the tears fell down dramatically.  _ I’ll show this to Hunk to make him regret not choosing classes with me,  _ Lance thought as he struck different poses in his miserable state for the video. 

In the middle of Lance’s dramatic-not-so-dramatic breakdown, he hears a shuffle of movement. Lance perks up, suddenly scared that he might not be alone in the bathroom. He sniffles once before he pauses, falling silent as he looks up from the camera and tries to listen for the noise again. 

It was then that Lance felt his entire soul leave his body when he heard the sound of a violent shit from the stall next to his. Lance’s body froze. He wasn’t alone. Even worse, this person was violently shitting in the middle of his emotional breakdown. This was the last straw. Angry tears streamed down his face as Lance banged hard on the stall. 

“The fucking  _ audacity  _ you have to just interrupt my breakdown with your violent shit, what the hell dude can’t it wait?!”

“Huh?!” The person in the stall exclaimed, “I can’t control my shits! What do you want me to do about it? Suck it back in?!” 

“How about you just not shit on my parade!”

“I’m shitting in the toilet, what the fuck are you talking about?!”

Lance sighed dramatically. He sniffled again, still feeling the emotions of the day. “This is just exactly what I needed to top off this wonderful day, huh?”

The guy in the next stall was quiet for a few seconds. “Is that you being sarcastic or…?” 

Lance gripped his hair in annoyance, “What do you think?”

“Oh,” the guy said, “Yeah, I guess you didn’t just come to make me hear you crying in the bathroom for the past 5 minutes for no reason.”

Lance felt a vein pop out on his head. He hasn’t even seen this guy and he already finds him annoying. 

When Lance didn’t say anything, the other guy awkwardly filled in the silence, “Uhh… sorry for being the one to tip you off the edge after your… bad day?”

Lance sighed, “It wasn’t you, I guess. It was the ice cream truck leaving right when I was about to get some. Like they knew I was coming and they decided to just take my one hope for a good day away from me.” 

“Oh…” the guy said, “Well… the ice cream wasn’t that good anyways.”

Lance damn nearly passed out, “You  _ had  _ some?!”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t that good, you weren’t missing out.”

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Was it so bad that it gave you the violent shits?”

Lance could hear the guy let out a soft chuckle, “Nah, I’m lactose intolerant.”

“And you  _ still  _ got ice cream despite knowing this would happen?”

“Usually it’s worth it, but not this time.”

Man. This guy is a huge idiot. And coming from Lance, that says a lot. 

Lance groaned, “I’m sure that would have made  _ my  _ day better though. You should have seen the morning I had.” 

“That bad?” the guy asked. 

Leaning back onto the toilet seat, Lance got comfortable, ready to retell the events that happened this morning to a complete stranger. “First I woke up way past my alarm. My roommate and I are both heavy sleepers, and none of us heard the alarm so already my whole morning routine was canceled which, by the way, is a very important part of my day.” 

Lance can tell the guy was probably rolling his eyes, but he didn’t care. Lance continued on, “After that, as I was running to class, it started to rain! So I ran and my hoodie got all wet, so I had to take it off. I was 5 minutes late to class, and I just know the Prof put me on his bad list already. It was even worse when I started walking to my desk and then I tripped in front of the whole class! It was terrible, dude, so while I was at my desk I noticed the ice cream truck outside and though, okay okay maybe that will fix my day, right? So when I left class I got distracted by the convenience store and went to buy breath mints because mind you, I also forgot to brush my teeth this morning, go figure, so I was about to buy it, but then, I forgot my wallet!! Dude I was about to  _ cry,  _ so I just went straight for the ice cream instead cause ya know, that was going to be my dose of serotonin on this terrible day, but when I got there the ice cream truck was GONE. That was the actual final straw for me and I came here to have my breakdown because this day has just been incredibly mean to me and I can’t take it anymore, this is biphobia! Just let me restart the day please I just want to start over!” 

Lance was gasping for air at the end of his rant, tears streaming down his face again. Lance knew he was being a drama queen, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. This day was already mean enough to him, it couldn't be any worse than breaking down in front of a stranger. 

Lance heard shuffling from right outside of his door. “Alright, you’re crying again, come out.” 

Huh? Since when did-? Lance was so busy ranting that he didn’t even notice when the guy left the stall and washed his hands. He can remember distantly hearing the movements, but he was too clouded by his own emotional recollection to pay attention. Now he’s outside of his stall. Oh boy. 

With no choice left, Lance sniffled and opened the door, greeted by the sight of the guy. And dios mio was it a  _ sight.  _

Mr. Violent Shitter had medium-long black hair pulled back into a low ponytail, a sharp jawline, a scar running down his cheek, and violet orbs for eyes. The bisexual panic set in.  _ What the hell why is he hot? _

Neither of them said anything for a hot minute. The guy was just staring back at Lance, and Lance was then hyper aware of the fact that he probably looked like a huge mess.  _ He’s definitely judging me,  _ Lance thought. 

Violet eyes shook his head, as if snapping out of a trance, and put a hand behind his neck awkwardly, “So… do you have a name?”

Lance ran his hands over his face, wiping away any left over moisture and evidence of his breakdown. “Yeah… it’s Lance. You?” He asked softly. 

“Keith.” He replied. Keith hesitantly locked eyes with Lance. “Look, Lance… I’m not the best person to cheer people up, or help anyone see the “bright side” of things. But you act like the worst has happened, and it’s not true.” 

Lance squinted his eyes at Keith, not sure what he was implying. “What do you-”

“I-I mean like… you said it started to rain when you were walking to school, right? You were already late, and the rain pushed you to get to class faster. So if not for the rain, you would have gotten to class much later.”

Lance blinked. He wasn’t sure if he knew what Keith meant, but he didn’t have time to contemplate it because Keith continued, “You also mentioned you tripped in class. Did you fall?”

“No…”

“I think the worst outcome would have been falling and cracking your head open so no, Lance, it’s not the end of the world. The worst didn’t happen to you. Yeah, there was no ice cream left for you, but…”

Keith’s face turned red really fast, mouth contoured into a sheepish pout. “I can always just… you know… take you to get some ice cream…” Keith offered, voice barely audible but Lance heard it very clearly. Lance’s eyes were wide open, face heating up. Oh.  _ Oh.  _

Lance reacted in the only way he knew how in situations like this, “Aw, Keith! You’re asking me out on a date?” Lance smirked. 

Keith groaned, putting a hand on his cheek in embarrassment, “Don’t make this weird. I never ask first.” 

Lance laughed, all tension from earlier releasing from his chest. “Alright, Mr. Violent Shits! An ice cream date sounds totally cool!” Lance grinned for the first time that day. 

Keith lightly punched Lance’s arm. “Don’t call me Mr. Violent Shits or I swear I will not hesitate to call you Mr. Emotional Breakdowns.”

“Go ahead, dude. Doesn’t bother me.” 

“Mr. Cries-in-the-bathroom.”

“Nope, try again.”

“Mr. Takes-selfies-while-crying.”

“Huh?! How did you know that?!”

“Did you seriously think I didn’t hear your camera go off?”

Lance whined, burying his red face in his hands. Keith laughed. Lance felt like he was on cloud nine. This day started off terrible, but Keith was right. It could have gone a lot worse. If it wasn’t for the series of unfortunate events, Lance wouldn’t have had his emotional breakdown, and he wouldn’t have met Keith, the best part of his day. He looked at Keith, smiling fondly. He couldn’t wait any longer. 

He grabbed Keith’s hand and pulled him out of the restroom and into the empty hallways. “Okay, Let’s go, Keith!”

Keith was dumbfounded, following behind Lance, “Huh? Go where?”

“Duh, you promised an ice cream date!”

“What- right now?! We have classes...”

Lance looked back at Keith, a gorgeous smile taking over his face. “Live a little, Keith! A cute boy and some ice cream sound waaay better than school right now. 

Keith’s blushing face was Lance’s new favorite sight. Lance was determined to make it happen more often. 

Keith smiled softly. “Alright, cool. Let’s take my motorcycle.”

Cute boy, ice cream,  _ and  _ a motorcycle? Lance was in for a wild ride. 

**Author's Note:**

> They go to their ice cream date. No Keith does not get ice cream. But he does grab a milkshake. Yes he has the shits again. No he does not care. 
> 
> Every person I've met who's lactose intolerant almost never actually refrains from consuming dairy, so I headcanon Keith as the same way. He just does not care and he loves ice cream. RIP Keith's stomach. Stay safe, kids.


End file.
